If you've lived through abuse you know what if feels like feel like you aren't safe anywhere. That feeling like you need to look over your shoulder every minute you're outside the security of your home. I catch myself doing this often, at the grocery store, riding the bus and even walking my dog. I've resorted to changing my routines and patterns. I no longer walk my dog before I leave for work, I've resorted to 6:30 am (basically as soon I wake up and have been sufficiently "coffee'd") and not walking him in the evening until 6:30 pm (when normal people are eating supper). I shop on weeknights at a different grocery store (instead of weekends). The bus however, there is nothing I can change so I leave that one to God.
I had my first shift at my new part time job tonight. I realized that I wasn't looking over my shoulder tonight. I worked an entire shift feeling perfectly safe. I'm grateful for the job God provided me because I work in the VIP section (box seats) and I'm certain he doesn't know anyone who can afford a box nor can he afford one.
I even made it home via transit without looking over my shoulder. It felt FANTASTIC.
Today's success moment was making it through my shift without feeling like I might die or fall asleep. Note to self though, bring more snacks, was really hungry and my packed lunch didn't cut the mustard.
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