Tuesday, 21 June 2016


T-minus 48 hours until I arrive in the prairies to visit my family. The crunch is on to get all the things done on my to-do list both at work and at home. 

I had my final appointment with my counselor a few weeks ago. She asked I review all that I've learned. It really made me look back (not that it was the first time I did that since leaving) and I can't believe how far I've come. I'm not exactly the person I was before I met him but I'm pretty close. I'm still scare by the thought of dating again but I feel like that fear will leave when I'm ready to get back out there. 

Another exciting thing that has happened in the last few weeks was I FILED FOR DIVORCE! Things are totally sorted out with him but I feel like as long as I trust God and pray for His guidance that it will work out. I also finally bought myself a ring to wear on my left hand. I kept feeling like I forgot something when I would leave the house without a ring on that hand. I finally decided to buy myself a claddagh ring to wear on my middle finger and the feeling went away. Did that happen to any of you out there that are now divorced? Leave me a comment below.

Thursday, 16 June 2016

He Still Gets To Me

I hold a business license, I know I've never mentioned this but I didn't want this blog to be about that. This business was started before I met him and he was added once we got married. Now I need to get his name off it. I had big hopes that he would just be tired of me and would just sign it over to get me out of his life. How wrong I was. He still wants to hurt and control me. He refused to sign the document removing his name and instructed me I would have to cancel it and get a new license. How he underestimates my new found strength. 

It was surprising how easily he can stress me out. I haven't spoken to him (phone or in person) since the morning I dropped him off and them moved out. And yet, the minute I hit send on my email I was shaking. My anxiety level shored and I worried he would try and call me or worse show up at my work. I talked to my Mum on my lunch break and she said she would call him mom and plea with her to convince him to sign so that this divorce (unlike their own) could avoid being messy and drawn out. 

Later that day my Mum called me and said that his mom was receptive and polite and agreed to talk to him. Later on that evening I received another email from him telling me to tell my Mum never to contact his family. I didn't respond. I felt myself looking over my shoulder this week fearing he might start stalking me. 

My weight hit an all time high (since losing a 40 LBS after giving up gluten). I immediately started the self-hate talk. As soon as I realized what I was doing I shut myself up. I know that my weight is partially my fault and partially my adrenal fatigue. I eat when I'm bored and I eat when I'm stressed. I know I need to get off the dieting merry-go-round and just eat less and not worry about "clean food" vs "dirty food". I also need to remind myself that he doesn't live with me, he won't throw out my food, I won't go hungry and he won't judge me for the food choices I make.