Tuesday, 22 November 2016


I've meant to talk (and if I have in the past, I apologize, my PTSD effects my memory) about an app Dr Phil's wife helped create called Aspire. It is designed to send out a help message to a designated person without having to call our text. I downloaded it and when you open the app initially it looks like an app to read different newspapers. I never completely filled out the info on the Aspire app because I didn't want to bother someone if he actually got to the point where he physically injured me. How stupid is that?! Let me bleed out or be strangled instead of putting you in a stressful and inconvenient situation to save me.

I haven't mentioned that I went on a trip to Tennessee earlier this month. This was my first real trip (aside from family vacations and the occasional weekend trip) and my first international flight. I went to TN because I love country music and wanted to visit the south. This is something I could never have done while I was married; there wouldn't have been the money to travel. Also, he wouldn't have wanted to lose control of me for a week and for me to spend time with someone else. I am free to make my own decisions and spend my money the way I want. The trip was life changing and I understand why people get addicted to travel. It was amazing to see a different part of the world and go on an adventure. 

Saturday, 19 November 2016

My Divorce

I had to renew my emotional support animal letter recently. This morning I received the letter this morning as well as some information on my diagnoses. It's official, I've been diagnosed with PTSD. I got a little teary eyed when I read it. I've know that I've had it for over a year but a rush of emotional washed over me. I felt validated now that someone has confirmed the diagnoses. 

When I the letter last year I felt like I might have been faking or exaggerating my anxiety. In reality, I do need Conway. Just last night, as I tied to fall asleep I had a flash back to having to go to bed at the same time as he did. I also remembered how he would rip the blankets off me when I would try to fall asleep. I began to cry (partially because I was just over tired) because it still effects me. 

I've hired a process server to serve him the divorce papers at work ideally. I had a false sense of hope that he would just sign it. The process server called me yesterday to report that he apparently only goes into the office once a month and otherwise works from home. I.call.bull. I had provided both his work and home address so now he'll be served at home. It got to me but my anxiety didn't spike which was a vast improvement. I felt anxious but I just reminded myself that it doesn't matter if he signs or not (based on the type of divorce I've filed), I only need to prove I tried to get his signature. I also vented to my older sister which helps. I suspect my divorce will finalize around the new year.