In my previous post I talked about my most recent counseling session. From that I have really be evaluating previous sexual relationships. I've realized that the reason my sex drive dropped of could actually be explain scientifically. Sex hormones are directly affected by your adrenals. You adrenals are responsible for the stress hormones and the "fight or flight" response to perceived danger. Why would someone want to have sex in a situation where they have those hormones running through their veins?! The short answer (at least for myself) is I wouldn't and didn't.
My sex drive tanked within weeks of the wedding. I thought it was a side effect of my depression. I also thought it might be a natural part of getting older (I'm only 30). In actuality, it wasn't me or least it wasn't my fault. As I sit here and think about what my marriage was it almost feels like a horrible nightmare. You know the kind that you remember years after it happened? I can think of three that scared me so much that I can still tell you in detail about each of them. My mind tells me I'm ok now but my emotions would disagree.
I was also ready about what adrenal fatigue can do to other organs. Hypoglycemia is the hallmark to adrenal fatigue. You're body is so stressed that it can't maintain proper insulin levels. I can remember how bad I got. At least weekly I would "crash" and feel dizzy to the point of almost passing out. I used to have to carry snacks with me at all times and but they wouldn't always help. Silly me thought, I just need some sugar and I'll be fine. Now I think to myself, this was my body screaming at me to stop, rest and relax. Sugar was not healing the root of the issue.
I went gluten free and the "crashes" became less frequent but they still happened. I can remember one in particular a few months before moving to the coast. I had been gluten free for a year and I had sugar and 30 minutes later I tanked again and had more sugar. I was so weak I couldn't walk.
I have days in which I'm just angry at everyone and everything (like today). I don't want anyone to talk to me and I don't want to be interrupted (at work). I wish I could just go home and close the blinds and shut the world out. I'm no peach today. My dog knows me so well and is such a blessing. He was extra cuddly when I went home for lunch. He knows I'm not myself. I appreciate him even more these days after last week when my Mum had to put her dog to down. Her little dog was the sweetest little Pomeranian you've ever met. So quiet and calm (the opposite of most poms), he saved my Mum life and kept her from committing suicide on many occasions. This is also true for my dog. He keep me getting out of bed every day, even if it's just to walk him and get back into bed. He loves me even when I don't love myself.
I have been overeating again (or still). It's really bad. I haven't gain too much weight in the scheme of things but it's really unhealthy. I can't stop myself. I think it's both psychological as well as physical. Psychologically speaking, he used to throw out food and threaten to make me go hungry. I am always worried I'll go hungry. I stock pile groceries (given the space limitations I have). It's a good thing in a sense because in the event of an emergency (such as an earthquake), I have food and water to last me at least two weeks.
Physically speaking, my body is recovering from a stressful situation and given that my adrenals are all out of whack, my body is telling me to stock up for the next stressful situation. It all goes back to the beginning of time where humans didn't always eat daily. The pattern today is very different from then, we eat several meals ever single day. Humans use to eat one very large meal every few days. Our metabolism slows down to protect us from starvation and death. Our brains tell us eat, eat, eat. Fats and sugars are our bodies favorites. High calorie food like milkshakes, burgers and candy. Notice how great they taste in comparison to a spinach salad? My body is telling me, eat now while you have the chance. I learnt all of these years ago after watching "Hungry for a Change" but only realized that this was applicable to me recently.
No comments:
Post a Comment